Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
