yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
