we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
