I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
