Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
