ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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