I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
