Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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