Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
