i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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