guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
