How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she smelled like a LAN party
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
