Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
