i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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