So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
