I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
