I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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