I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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