It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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