We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
