You work out of a Hotel?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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