D3 body, D1 cock
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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