Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
