Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
