He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
