I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
