You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
