Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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