Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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