i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
