I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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