She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will be naked everywhere
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
