break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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