You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
