Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
