We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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