why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think a kid would responsible me up
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
