420 ftw
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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