Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
