we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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