Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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