I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
