you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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