I just pynch a tree in the face
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
