If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
