somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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