I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
