high people should be assigned attendants
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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