Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
