as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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