why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
