In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
