I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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