I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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