You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
